He is the Greater Reward

Dear friends, I figure its time to write one last blog post updating you all on how Sarah has been doing now that she is home from her medical treatments at Sanoviv.  I am sorry that it has taken me so long to write this and update you, as I know people are still praying and anxious to see how she is after such a long time away from home.  This past weekend I worked a very large amount of hours and took a final math exam for a college course, and well, life happened, and this is the first chance I've gotten to sit down and take some time to write.  So thank you for both your patience and your prayers.  

Her last week of treatments were really an answer to prayer.  The first two weeks' treatments were quite painful, but the third week, her program changed, and she did not have to do the most challenging treatment anymore.  That was wonderful news to hear.  It made me just feel so worried whenever I knew she was in those treatments, so knowing that the last week would not be as painful gave all of us peace.  Her doctors explained that she has a hyperactive immune system, toxicity in her blood cells, chronic inflammation, and co-infections along with the possibility of lymes disease.  I guess I was wrong before, and they took two tests and both had different results - one that she had lymes disease and one that she didn't.  Regardless whether she has lymes disease or not, the co-infections are doing more harm than the lymes disease.That's a pretty big list.  An exhausting list.  Sarah told me that she was feeling discouraged about not feeling better right away now that she is home, but she is confident that with the home program that she has now that she will feel better with time.  Her doctor explained that once the toxins, lymes, and inflammation in her cells is either down or gone, she will be able to either manage the pain, or it won't be there.  There is always hope. We are not exactly sure when she will feel better, but we do know that it will take time.  Yet even though Sarah can get discouraged at times, she told me that she is trying to stay hopeful and is trusting in God's plan.  I found her up in bed tonight reading her Charles Spurgeon devotional.  My little sister doesn't rely on sweet little feelings to make her feel better.  No, she goes to solid truth, theologians, and the Bible.  She's fantastic.  More people should be like her.  Here's a picture of Sarah and my mamma on the plane ride home.

I have had several people asking me whether or not Sarah will need to go back to Sanoviv, and Sarah explained to me that her doctor would like her to be back in six months, but we will see where her health is at at that point and what the financial situation is.  Sarah asked me to put in this quote by Elisabeth Elliot and oh how true it is.

"God has promised to supply all our needs. What we don't have now, we don't need now."

Another good quote by Elisabeth Elliot is, "God never withholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good.  God's refusals are always merciful."

Could I humbly ask for your continued prayer for Sarah as she so wants to feel better soon?  We would so appreciate it.  Everyone has been so kind and encouraging and we really could not ask for better friends.

Its been a journey.  Its been a journey for my family since Sarah was 11 and I was 13 and I walked out of that hospital room one night in tears as it dawned on me that my sister was staying in the hospital while I went home.  Its been a journey as we have chosen just not to do certain things that others get to do without even thinking about the physical exertion needed.  Its been a journey from airplanes to Baltimore for physical therapy treatments at spinal cord injury centers and down to mexico to clinics with alternative treatments.  Honestly its hard summing up into words my sister's illness and the battle she has been fighting but also the path that she has been following her Jesus on.  Jesus was serious when he said that it won't be easy following Him.  When He says pick up your cross and follow Me, He really means it.  Real life isn't what you see through an Instagram filter.  Its the day to day, "ok Jesus, I'm choosing to trust you again even though I don't understand."  Its the day to day reliance on grace that we all have because we simply cannot do it alone.  This last year I was faced with a lot of the pain of Sarah's illness that I never really faced before.  I'll be honest and raw with you.  I've sobbed out in parking lots asking God why?  I've hidden from worship sessions because I'm afraid of what I might feel in the words I'm singing.  I've gone to the bathroom to hide in the middle of class because I just can't keep in the tears anymore.  I've been a mess.  But this isn't really about me at all.  Its not even really about Sarah.  Its about something so much bigger than us.  The goal of Christianity is not just to go to heaven as a get out of jail free card.  No the goal is to know Christ.  My favorite passage of Scripture is Philippians 3.  Verses 7-11 say this,

"But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ.  Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead."

I'm not going to try to explain away and understand why Sarah has pain, but I do know that knowing Christ more is worth whatever He puts before us.  Oh what a Savior we have who loves us so deeply.  When we question Him, He holds us closer.  When we shout at Him he does not let go of us.  When we stray, He gently guides us back.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter what happens, knowing Christ and being known by Christ is the greater reward.

Week 2 Update

Hello friends.  Well, Sarah is two weeks into her stay at Sanoviv, and she has only one more to go!  She will be home one week from today, and I cannot wait to go pick her up at the airport.  :)  It's been too long.  There have again been so many people who have been asking me about Sarah, so its time for another update.  

This week's update is one of intense pain, yet new friends, renewed hope, and God's faithfulness.  Throughout this week Sarah has been undergoing several different kinds of treatments.  One treatment involves being injected by IVs that pump high doses of vitamins and other things to boost her immune system.  She has also had more pool therapy in the various pools and hot tubs.  She also has had ozone treatments added to her blood.  Those are the more calming treatments that don't appear too strenuous, but there are other treatments that have put Sarah in some of the most painful and uncomfortable experiences of her life.  One of these treatments is called Hyperbaric treatment.  Essentially, to my understanding, she sits in this capsule of sorts where the air pressure is compressed so she can breath in pure oxygen.  She has to just lie in the capsule for a couple of hours while the pressure is quite intense.  Thankfully she can bring books
in there with her.  :)  The other treatment is called Hyperthermia. After undergoing this treatment for the first time Sarah said that it was the worst two and a half hours of her life.  Essentially she is put in a box of sorts that heats up her body to induce a fever.  This activates her immune system to kill off infections in her body.  Transverse Myelitis, her auto-immune disease, causes those who have it to feel hot very easily, and because of this factor, Hyperthermia is even more exhausting to Sarah as she has to lie still with a fever while in extreme heat for several hours.  Please pray for my little sister.  I cannot imagine how difficult that must be.    

People keep asking me if its helping her and if she is feeling better.  Yes, it certainly is helping her, but no she is not feeling better yet.  Her doctors told her that because of her specific condition she will not start feeling better until several weeks after being home.  I wanted to let everyone know that so that when Sarah returns and she is not feeling better yet, that its ok.  She isn't really supposed to.  It takes time.  So thank you so much for asking, friends.  Yes, it is helping, but it can be hard to receive treatments and still not feel better right away.  Sarah knows what its like to wait and wait and wait to feel better again.
 
In the midst of the treatments, God has surrounded Sarah and my mother with some really wonderful people.  The amount of fellow brothers and sisters in Christ that they have met is astounding.  People just keep saying how beautiful Sarah is and how she just radiates.  This morning Sarah had a worship jam session with a new friend out on one of the balconies.  The two of them sang together and played guitar for a while.  That makes my heart happy.  :)  She recorded a video of their singing and put it on her Facebook.  Go check it out.  :)  There have been so many good conversations and hopeful, encouraging people cheering Sarah on and praying for her there.  Sarah posted a picture on Facebook today of her new friends and how God is showing her that He is still faithful and is under control even in the midst of the pain.  How so very true.  

One last sweet story.  One afternoon while Sarah was discouraged she was sitting in the cafeteria and had been crying.  Frankie, who is the chef there, when he saw Sarah crying came out and asked her if she was ok and if he could do anything for her.  She sheepishly asked if she could have some berries.  Frankie came out with an enormous bowl of blueberries just for her to cheer her up.  I love random acts of kindness like that where people just show they care about you.
Just one more week.  I'll be honest that I can't wait for them to come home.  I miss my mamma and little sister.  But I just wanted to thank you all so much again for all of the love and kindness that you have shown my whole family throughout this summer.  I'm constantly being texted, hunted down at church, and even asked while I'm at the front counter at my job at the bakery by random customers how Sarah is doing.  They always remember to tell me that they have been praying for her.  Wow.  How blessed we are to live in a community that is so caring for its members.  Its times like this that I'm even more thankful for sweet little Oostburg, for the many churches that dot the streets and the kind strangers who tell me that they are praying for my family.

You know, God hasn't completely answered my prayers this summer the way that I would have chosen them to be answered.  If I had my way, I would have Sarah running and dancing with me again just like when we were little girls climbing trees in the backyard.  I would have her free of all her headaches and leg pains.  I would have her eating ice cream and donuts whenever she wants rather than having to stay away from certain foods.  And I would have us together rather than in separate countries.  But, although the answers haven't been exactly what I would have chosen, my God has still answered.  And I know that His choices are always the best.  His plan IS the best.  He IS kind.  He IS merciful.  He IS good.

So when you ask how Sarah is doing, no she's not doing great physically.  She's not even well yet, but she is confident in the love of her Savior and in the goodness of her God.  She watches for God.  She seeks Him, and she loves Him amidst her pain.
   

Week One Update

Dear friends, today marks one week from when Sarah left for Sanoviv.  It’s been a good week, but honestly a hard week.  I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been praying thus far for Sarah and her healing.  I can’t count how many people have been asking me how Sarah is doing.  And to know that so many people care is truly a blessing.  As it’s been a week since my last update, I figured it would be easiest to let friends know how she is doing through another blog post.

First off, Sanoviv is absolutely gorgeous.  It sits on a bluff overlooking the ocean, and each patient’s room has a balcony overlooking it.  Sarah and my mamma can hear the waves each night as they fall asleep.  The weather is wonderful and it’s a very relaxing atmosphere, and the food is delicious and incredibly fresh and healthy.  Part of her treatment is detoxing as well, so everything from the food they eat to the coconut water they drink has a purpose.  Every single one of the doctors there is incredibly kind, especially Sarah’s personal doctor.  All of the staff are wonderful as well, and my mamma described to me this community there among the residents.  It’s like everyone knows that everyone else is going through pain too, and they are all in this together.  Kindness fills that place. 

This past week Sarah’s treatments consisted of a lot of testing and then detox.  This week they will begin treating her Lyme disease.  It’s been crazy busy thus far from doctor appointments to treatments like massages to timed intervals in their pools and hot tubs that each serve a particular purpose.  Unfortunately with a lot of their treatments they inject IVs into Sarah’s arms, or at least they were trying too, but Sarah’s veins were not cooperating well, which meant a whole lot of needle pokes and a whole lot of pain.  This morning they actually inserted a central line just below her clavicle so they can give her IVs through that rather than poking her so many times a day.  It actually had to be done by a surgeon, so they put Sarah to sleep and then lodged it inside of her.  She is so brave.

Earlier this week, because of her body detoxing, Sarah was running a fever and got quite sick.  That was a hard day.  It’s hard to be sick, but it’s even harder to be sick away from home.  Yet rather than just sitting and feeling sorry for herself, Sarah spent her time resting while listening to a radio drama of Little Women.  She also spent some time reading the cards from friends at the worship night benefit.  My little sister has taught me that when the big things in life just hurt, we have to choose to find joy in the little things, like lighting candles or making a cup of tea or reading a good book. 

Sarah is incredibly strong, but no matter how much courage you have, everyone gets discouraged at times.  The schedule that she has to keep in very strenuous with many appointments and treatments, and then feeling sick on top of that is overwhelming.  Sarah said to my mamma that she is so thankful for everyone who sent her there and for their support and prayers and she knows that it’s an amazing opportunity, but it’s still hard being there.  She misses home and her family and her friends.  One more piece of news also discouraged Sarah.  After the testing and meetings with doctors, they determined that Sarah needs to stay at Sanoviv for three weeks rather than the two weeks she had originally thought she would be there. 

All this in mind, Sarah is thankful to be there, courageous in her treatments, and pressing on.  Could I ask for continued prayers these next two weeks as she continues more treatments?  Please pray for encouragement as she misses home, for wisdom for her doctors, for patience as she waits, and for drastic, miraculous, and beautiful healing that can only come from God.  Thank you for all of your love and kindness shown to my family in this hard time.  Our God is faithful.  

One last thing, some of my friends and I are committing to pray for Sarah and her healing each day at 10:30 a.m.  It's an opportunity to talk to God, be honest with him, plead on behalf of our friend, and grow personally in prayer.  Anyone from my area is welcome to join.  I'll make the coffee.

                     

Lemonade Stands and Window Panes

This morning at 4:30 my Mamma and Sarah pulled out of the drive way to embark on their journey down to Mexico for Sarah's medical treatments for a couple of weeks.  I stood at the end of the driveway and waved until I couldn't see the car lights in red against the darkness anymore.  And then I prayed one more plea that God would so choose to heal her through this clinic in Mexico.

I'll be completely honest, this has been one of the most difficult summers of my life.  Watching your little sister suffer through chronic pain day after day is like someone punching you in the chest over and over again.  The ache doesn't go away, and I can't fix her.  So I pray.  Sometimes I feel like I'm saying the same things over and over again.  Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to the white ceiling above me.  Sometimes I don't have words at all, just silence and a hurting heart.  And oh how good it is to serve a God who knows the depths of our hearts when we cannot express them.  This week especially I feel like God has been showing me that He loves my family and I through the body of Christ, through community, through children's lemonade stands, through local businesses, through friends across the country, and through answered prayer in minutes.

A little blond haired girl sat on a chair on the sidewalk and called out to passing cars, "Lemonade for a donation!" Two more girls and a boy sat behind their little table decorated with American flags, big pitchers of lemonade, and homemade signs.  They were having a lemonade stand to raise money for Sarah's medical costs in Mexico.  These kids didn't even know Sarah.  Lori, the mother of two of the kids, used to work at the library in town that Sarah and I often visited as children.  She told her kids that she wanted them to grow up in a community where they saw community caring for each other.  I don't know who got the idea for the lemonade stand, but all I know is that I saw the love of Jesus through the actions of these sweet kids.  They poured me a cup of lemonade and we talked for a bit.  They had never even met Sarah or I before, but yet here they sat out in the hot sun collecting donations for Sarah.  A UPS driver who had stopped for a quick snack, when he discovered that the money was for medical expenses, threw a $10 bill into the tin.  That's just one story of the many who visited their little stand that afternoon.  That night Sarah brought home a coffee tin stuffed with bills.

Monday night, a couple from my family's church hosted a fundraiser at the local Pizza Ranch for Sarah as one last benefit before she left today.  A portion of the night's profits would be donated to our family along with any donations left in a bucket on the front counter.  I spent a couple of hours washing dishes with some teenage girls in the kitchen who had come to volunteer their time.  When I stepped out of the kitchen, I was overwhelmed with how many people were packed into that little restaurant.  I've never seen that many people there for any fundraiser in my entire life.  That night my mamma and I counted the bills and checks as we sat on the living room floor.  To say that we were overwhelmed with the generosity of our community would be an understatement.  There were so many people there from relatives to fellow church members to Sarah's piano students to Sarah's and my friends since high school.  God shows up strong through people that He has placed in our lives.  I'm convinced of it.

Last night I just happened to glance out the window of a friends house as the sun was setting out in the country.  I saw the sunlight paint a beautiful golden hue on the
wheat in the fields and the leaves on the trees.  The sky was filled with all different shades of orange and pink and yellow.  And I remembered again, that life, with all of its pain and aches is yet beautiful.  Our God does not forget about us.  Those children and their kindness, the hug of friends, the support of community members, and the prayers of the body of Christ across this country show me the compassion and heart of God.  He is looking out for us.  There is beauty in the midst of pain.  As I stood there by the window, my God impressed upon my heart that He is indeed good.  He is indeed faithful.  He has not forgotten my family and the ache in our hearts.  And that life really is beautiful.

So I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has come around my family these past couple of months as Sarah's pain has grown worse.  You have shown us the love of Christ.  You have reminded me that we are never alone, and that God if faithful.  I'm thankful for a God that remembers us in our brokenness, for sunsets and little window panes and summer nights, for serving hands, for the generosity of children, for tears that point me back to you, and for teaching me over and over again that You are strong when we are weak.  He knows that we are not strong enough on our own.  He knows.  Thank You Jesus for being my strength.  I pray that You would give Sarah strength as she begins medical treatments.  I pray that You would remind her that You love her so much more than we ever could.  Thank You Jesus for never leaving us alone.

Learning to Rest and Trust

"For pain is a bruising of a blessing; but it is a blessing nevertheless.  It's a strange, dark companion, but a companion - if only because it has passed through God's inspecting hand.  It's an unwelcome guest, but still a guest.  I know that it drives me to a nearer, more intimate place of fellowship with Jesus, and so I take pain as though I were taking the left hand of God.  (Better the left hand than no hand at all.)  Perhaps the simple realization of something so redemptive is healing enough." 

-Joni Eareckson Tada

Friday night was beautiful.  The tables were lit by candles, the lights were dimmed, fresh cut daisies from the garden garnished the room, the music was lovely, and so many people who I love dearly filled that church gym with all the love and encouragement that my family needed.  As I was part of the worship team, I saw the room from a different perspective while standing up front.  That space was filled with people of all ages - little children, grandparents, my family, my college friends, Sarah's music students, our church family, and people I didn't even know who wanted to be a part of this event.  In the middle of the evening my dear friend Cori Salchert came up front and spoke to the group of people from her heart.  If you've ever met Cori you will know what I mean when I say that you see Jesus all over her.  Her heart and compassion and love for others just spills out when you talk to her.  Worship resumed again for a bit, and the evening closed with us all holding hands while circled around the room as we prayed for Sarah and her healing.  We know that whatever God's answer will be, He will answer indeed, and He is faithful no matter what the results are.  

My friends and I came back to my house afterwards for a campfire and what we usually do on hot summer nights - sit on the kitchen floor, drink tea, and talk about life.  This past week I've been so overwhelmed by the amount of love that the body of Christ has shown towards my family.  From friends volunteering their time to set up this blog and donation thing, to ladies setting up the church, to my old boss at the bakery donating treats, to members of my church family immediately volunteering to help with worship, to friends driving up here from my school in Chicago to show their support, I'm just overwhelmed and so incredibly thankful.  There was a little 4 year old boy who dropped in the basket four quarters and a picture he colored for Sarah himself.  I wanted to cry after hearing that.  One of my friends from school took a wad of crumpled up bills, stuck it in an envelope and told me to give it to Sarah.  Each and every person who donated gave from their heart, and I'm so incredibly humbled.  There were just so many people there too and people who could not make it who joined with us in prayer pleading with God for healing.  Just knowing that there are so many people who care is humbling.  My community is incredible.  The body of Christ here as His church is wonderful.  And my God is all powerful and kind to us.  

I just wanted to write this blog post to say thank you to my dear friends who are joining my family on this journey either financially, through prayer, or by simply coming along side us as friends as we are learning to give this up to God and trust Him through the pain.  Wow, He is good to us.  

My mamma gave me a book by Joni Eareckson Tada called A Place of Healing: Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God's Sovereignty.  As I have been reading it, its like she is writing out the questions that have been swirling in my mind for a while now.  She is honest and raw and real, and she doesn't try to explain away the reasons for pain that honestly, my mind won't accept.  I've tried all sorts of answers, but my mind keeps thinking of why they don't satisfy me.  And I feel like finally my Jesus is bringing peace to my heart.  The quote I copied at the top of this post brought me such peace.  Thank You Jesus for bringing calm after a storm and for truth that isn't always easy to hear, but is truth none the less.  I'm sure in the days ahead I will still question God.  I'm sure I'll have more nights where I don't understand and where I just want things to be better again like when we were little girls at dance class or on the soccer field.  But, that is the beautiful thing about grace and my God Who never gives up on us.    

One last thing, could I be so bold as to ask for your continued prayers leading up to and during the medical treatments?  Sarah and my mamma will be gone July 17th-30th.  The plane tickets have been purchased and the appointments have been made.  Thank You, Jesus.  Please pray that the treatments would only last  two weeks instead of three.  Pray for strength for Sarah as her pain is growing progressively worse.  And would you pray that we keep our eyes on Jesus throughout this whole thing, knowing that He's got this all under control, no matter what the outcome.  Thank you all so much again for your love and support.  

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Exodus 14:14

Our Story and Our Faithful God

She's my best friend, my hero, my encourager, my truth speaker, my coffee partner, and my little sister.  The two of us have been through more together than most from dance recitals, to hospital rooms, to swings and dolls in the backyard as children, to doctors offices and car rides where we sit in silence and just cry for a while.  From the outside, Sarah looks like any other 19 year old, and that's why people might not know that she suffers from chronic pain every day, every hour, and every minute of her life.  Its a long story, but about eight years ago when she was 11 and I was 13, Sarah came down with an auto-immune disease called Transverse Myelitis that strikes only one in a million people.  Within seconds she lost the use of her legs, and honestly, life was never the same for her, or for her best friend either.  Its been a long journey since then, but today Sarah walks.  Her disease was not a simple one, and every day she suffers from side effects of what it is doing to her body.  The amount of pain she suffers from every single day would cause most to lose hope, to hide at home, or just to give up on God.  But that's not Sarah.  If you know her, consider yourself privileged.  I've never met someone so kind, so selfless, so courageous, and so faithful.  She's only 19 and I think has impacted more lives for Christ than anyone I've ever known.

We've been to doctor after doctor all over this country, and unfortunately there isn't really any simple fix to her pain. But, it seems God has opened up one more door for her to try.  In July Sarah and my mother will be traveling down to a medical clinic in Mexico called Sanoviv where they offer therapy treatments that are different and more intense than any she has experienced before.  This clinic, through the power of God, literally saved the life of a dear friend of mine.  So we are stepping out in faith that God is leading her to go there and also that God will provide what it takes to get there.

To be completely honest, this past year was rough as I personally wrestled with God over why He wouldn't just heal her.  He's God, right? I mean, he could take away all of her pain in an instant.  He could end those nights where we are hugging in the kitchen crying, but trying to speak truth to each other that God is still good and that He is still faithful.  He could.  But there is a reason I'm not God and He is.  There is a reason I don't understand and maybe never really will until I see him face to face in heaven, jump into his arms for a hug, and then finally can say, "That's why." It makes me think of that Bible verse that says, "For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known."  Its 1 Corinthians 13:12, and those verses are a beautiful truth to rest in when I simply don't understand.

This Friday evening, June 17th, my family, friends, and I are having a night of prayer and praise and worship as we ask for God's blessing and guidance as we send her down to Mexico in a month.  The event is from 7:00-9:00 p.m. at Grace Bible Church in Adell, and it is a come and go as you please type of deal.  We would love to see you there, even if you have never met her.  We all worship the same God, and no matter what our circumstances, there is reason to praise him.  We also humbly ask for your support as she embarks on this new adventure of sorts.  Medical costs are anything but cheap, but its all worth it when you think of the people its for - people made in the image of God with immeasurable value.  So I humbly ask for your support if you feel called to give to send her to this clinic.  There is a link on the right side of the blog where you can donate any amount that you feel called to give.  When you click on the link, you will be giving through Psalms 82:3 ministries, so don't be confused when that page comes up. All donations given through this site are tax deductible.  A good friend of mine was so kind as to set that all up for us.

If you do not think you can financially support us in this mission, would you consider praying for us?  God's got this.  The whole situation.  He provides, and He is faithful.  And most of all, he hears when we call on him whether that's through the prayers of a child, rejoicing through singing, or barely making out the words through sobs.  He's got this, and I'm reminded that He loves Sarah so much more than I ever could, which must be a lot because I'm not sure I love anyone so much as her.  Thank you so much for listening to our story.  May my Jesus bless you for your kindness and support.

This quote is on a note card taped to the sun visor in Sarah's car.  The world needs more people like my little sister.

"If God sends us on strong paths, we are provided strong shoes." - Corrie ten Boom