Her last week of treatments were really an answer to prayer. The first two weeks' treatments were quite painful, but the third week, her program changed, and she did not have to do the most challenging treatment anymore. That was wonderful news to hear. It made me just feel so worried whenever I knew she was in those treatments, so knowing that the last week would not be as painful gave all of us peace. Her doctors explained that she has a hyperactive immune system, toxicity in her blood cells, chronic inflammation, and co-infections along with the possibility of lymes disease. I guess I was wrong before, and they took two tests and both had different results - one that she had lymes disease and one that she didn't. Regardless whether she has lymes disease or not, the co-infections are doing more harm than the lymes disease.That's a pretty big list. An exhausting list. Sarah told me that she was feeling discouraged about not feeling better right away now that she is home, but she is confident that with the home program that she has now that she will feel better with time. Her doctor explained that once the toxins, lymes, and inflammation in her cells is either down or gone, she will be able to either manage the pain, or it won't be there. There is always hope. We are not exactly sure when she will feel better, but we do know that it will take time. Yet even though Sarah can get discouraged at times, she told me that she is trying to stay hopeful and is trusting in God's plan. I found her up in bed tonight reading her Charles Spurgeon devotional. My little sister doesn't rely on sweet little feelings to make her feel better. No, she goes to solid truth, theologians, and the Bible. She's fantastic. More people should be like her. Here's a picture of Sarah and my mamma on the plane ride home. I have had several people asking me whether or not Sarah will need to go back to Sanoviv, and Sarah explained to me that her doctor would like her to be back in six months, but we will see where her health is at at that point and what the financial situation is. Sarah asked me to put in this quote by Elisabeth Elliot and oh how true it is.
"God has promised to supply all our needs. What we don't have now, we don't need now."
Another good quote by Elisabeth Elliot is, "God never withholds from His child that which His love and wisdom call good. God's refusals are always merciful."
Could I humbly ask for your continued prayer for Sarah as she so wants to feel better soon? We would so appreciate it. Everyone has been so kind and encouraging and we really could not ask for better friends.
Its been a journey. Its been a journey for my family since Sarah was 11 and I was 13 and I walked out of that hospital room one night in tears as it dawned on me that my sister was staying in the hospital while I went home. Its been a journey as we have chosen just not to do certain things that others get to do without even thinking about the physical exertion needed. Its been a journey from airplanes to Baltimore for physical therapy treatments at spinal cord injury centers and down to mexico to clinics with alternative treatments. Honestly its hard summing up into words my sister's illness and the battle she has been fighting but also the path that she has been following her Jesus on. Jesus was serious when he said that it won't be easy following Him. When He says pick up your cross and follow Me, He really means it. Real life isn't what you see through an Instagram filter. Its the day to day, "ok Jesus, I'm choosing to trust you again even though I don't understand." Its the day to day reliance on grace that we all have because we simply cannot do it alone. This last year I was faced with a lot of the pain of Sarah's illness that I never really faced before. I'll be honest and raw with you. I've sobbed out in parking lots asking God why? I've hidden from worship sessions because I'm afraid of what I might feel in the words I'm singing. I've gone to the bathroom to hide in the middle of class because I just can't keep in the tears anymore. I've been a mess. But this isn't really about me at all. Its not even really about Sarah. Its about something so much bigger than us. The goal of Christianity is not just to go to heaven as a get out of jail free card. No the goal is to know Christ. My favorite passage of Scripture is Philippians 3. Verses 7-11 say this,
"But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead."
I'm not going to try to explain away and understand why Sarah has pain, but I do know that knowing Christ more is worth whatever He puts before us. Oh what a Savior we have who loves us so deeply. When we question Him, He holds us closer. When we shout at Him he does not let go of us. When we stray, He gently guides us back. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter what happens, knowing Christ and being known by Christ is the greater reward.
