Learning to Rest and Trust

"For pain is a bruising of a blessing; but it is a blessing nevertheless.  It's a strange, dark companion, but a companion - if only because it has passed through God's inspecting hand.  It's an unwelcome guest, but still a guest.  I know that it drives me to a nearer, more intimate place of fellowship with Jesus, and so I take pain as though I were taking the left hand of God.  (Better the left hand than no hand at all.)  Perhaps the simple realization of something so redemptive is healing enough." 

-Joni Eareckson Tada

Friday night was beautiful.  The tables were lit by candles, the lights were dimmed, fresh cut daisies from the garden garnished the room, the music was lovely, and so many people who I love dearly filled that church gym with all the love and encouragement that my family needed.  As I was part of the worship team, I saw the room from a different perspective while standing up front.  That space was filled with people of all ages - little children, grandparents, my family, my college friends, Sarah's music students, our church family, and people I didn't even know who wanted to be a part of this event.  In the middle of the evening my dear friend Cori Salchert came up front and spoke to the group of people from her heart.  If you've ever met Cori you will know what I mean when I say that you see Jesus all over her.  Her heart and compassion and love for others just spills out when you talk to her.  Worship resumed again for a bit, and the evening closed with us all holding hands while circled around the room as we prayed for Sarah and her healing.  We know that whatever God's answer will be, He will answer indeed, and He is faithful no matter what the results are.  

My friends and I came back to my house afterwards for a campfire and what we usually do on hot summer nights - sit on the kitchen floor, drink tea, and talk about life.  This past week I've been so overwhelmed by the amount of love that the body of Christ has shown towards my family.  From friends volunteering their time to set up this blog and donation thing, to ladies setting up the church, to my old boss at the bakery donating treats, to members of my church family immediately volunteering to help with worship, to friends driving up here from my school in Chicago to show their support, I'm just overwhelmed and so incredibly thankful.  There was a little 4 year old boy who dropped in the basket four quarters and a picture he colored for Sarah himself.  I wanted to cry after hearing that.  One of my friends from school took a wad of crumpled up bills, stuck it in an envelope and told me to give it to Sarah.  Each and every person who donated gave from their heart, and I'm so incredibly humbled.  There were just so many people there too and people who could not make it who joined with us in prayer pleading with God for healing.  Just knowing that there are so many people who care is humbling.  My community is incredible.  The body of Christ here as His church is wonderful.  And my God is all powerful and kind to us.  

I just wanted to write this blog post to say thank you to my dear friends who are joining my family on this journey either financially, through prayer, or by simply coming along side us as friends as we are learning to give this up to God and trust Him through the pain.  Wow, He is good to us.  

My mamma gave me a book by Joni Eareckson Tada called A Place of Healing: Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God's Sovereignty.  As I have been reading it, its like she is writing out the questions that have been swirling in my mind for a while now.  She is honest and raw and real, and she doesn't try to explain away the reasons for pain that honestly, my mind won't accept.  I've tried all sorts of answers, but my mind keeps thinking of why they don't satisfy me.  And I feel like finally my Jesus is bringing peace to my heart.  The quote I copied at the top of this post brought me such peace.  Thank You Jesus for bringing calm after a storm and for truth that isn't always easy to hear, but is truth none the less.  I'm sure in the days ahead I will still question God.  I'm sure I'll have more nights where I don't understand and where I just want things to be better again like when we were little girls at dance class or on the soccer field.  But, that is the beautiful thing about grace and my God Who never gives up on us.    

One last thing, could I be so bold as to ask for your continued prayers leading up to and during the medical treatments?  Sarah and my mamma will be gone July 17th-30th.  The plane tickets have been purchased and the appointments have been made.  Thank You, Jesus.  Please pray that the treatments would only last  two weeks instead of three.  Pray for strength for Sarah as her pain is growing progressively worse.  And would you pray that we keep our eyes on Jesus throughout this whole thing, knowing that He's got this all under control, no matter what the outcome.  Thank you all so much again for your love and support.  

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Exodus 14:14

Our Story and Our Faithful God

She's my best friend, my hero, my encourager, my truth speaker, my coffee partner, and my little sister.  The two of us have been through more together than most from dance recitals, to hospital rooms, to swings and dolls in the backyard as children, to doctors offices and car rides where we sit in silence and just cry for a while.  From the outside, Sarah looks like any other 19 year old, and that's why people might not know that she suffers from chronic pain every day, every hour, and every minute of her life.  Its a long story, but about eight years ago when she was 11 and I was 13, Sarah came down with an auto-immune disease called Transverse Myelitis that strikes only one in a million people.  Within seconds she lost the use of her legs, and honestly, life was never the same for her, or for her best friend either.  Its been a long journey since then, but today Sarah walks.  Her disease was not a simple one, and every day she suffers from side effects of what it is doing to her body.  The amount of pain she suffers from every single day would cause most to lose hope, to hide at home, or just to give up on God.  But that's not Sarah.  If you know her, consider yourself privileged.  I've never met someone so kind, so selfless, so courageous, and so faithful.  She's only 19 and I think has impacted more lives for Christ than anyone I've ever known.

We've been to doctor after doctor all over this country, and unfortunately there isn't really any simple fix to her pain. But, it seems God has opened up one more door for her to try.  In July Sarah and my mother will be traveling down to a medical clinic in Mexico called Sanoviv where they offer therapy treatments that are different and more intense than any she has experienced before.  This clinic, through the power of God, literally saved the life of a dear friend of mine.  So we are stepping out in faith that God is leading her to go there and also that God will provide what it takes to get there.

To be completely honest, this past year was rough as I personally wrestled with God over why He wouldn't just heal her.  He's God, right? I mean, he could take away all of her pain in an instant.  He could end those nights where we are hugging in the kitchen crying, but trying to speak truth to each other that God is still good and that He is still faithful.  He could.  But there is a reason I'm not God and He is.  There is a reason I don't understand and maybe never really will until I see him face to face in heaven, jump into his arms for a hug, and then finally can say, "That's why." It makes me think of that Bible verse that says, "For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known."  Its 1 Corinthians 13:12, and those verses are a beautiful truth to rest in when I simply don't understand.

This Friday evening, June 17th, my family, friends, and I are having a night of prayer and praise and worship as we ask for God's blessing and guidance as we send her down to Mexico in a month.  The event is from 7:00-9:00 p.m. at Grace Bible Church in Adell, and it is a come and go as you please type of deal.  We would love to see you there, even if you have never met her.  We all worship the same God, and no matter what our circumstances, there is reason to praise him.  We also humbly ask for your support as she embarks on this new adventure of sorts.  Medical costs are anything but cheap, but its all worth it when you think of the people its for - people made in the image of God with immeasurable value.  So I humbly ask for your support if you feel called to give to send her to this clinic.  There is a link on the right side of the blog where you can donate any amount that you feel called to give.  When you click on the link, you will be giving through Psalms 82:3 ministries, so don't be confused when that page comes up. All donations given through this site are tax deductible.  A good friend of mine was so kind as to set that all up for us.

If you do not think you can financially support us in this mission, would you consider praying for us?  God's got this.  The whole situation.  He provides, and He is faithful.  And most of all, he hears when we call on him whether that's through the prayers of a child, rejoicing through singing, or barely making out the words through sobs.  He's got this, and I'm reminded that He loves Sarah so much more than I ever could, which must be a lot because I'm not sure I love anyone so much as her.  Thank you so much for listening to our story.  May my Jesus bless you for your kindness and support.

This quote is on a note card taped to the sun visor in Sarah's car.  The world needs more people like my little sister.

"If God sends us on strong paths, we are provided strong shoes." - Corrie ten Boom